life

Life is officially insane. haha
I have never been this busy ever and I can't seem to find a balance to keep everything going right just yet. So the blog is suffering because of that. But once I find a balance I will do better! I promise :)

times they are a changing... i mean transitioning lol

Im moving!!!!! In just mere weeks I will be living back in good ole Lindale!
:) YAYY

im a kite, Christ is the hurricane. who am i to boast that i can fly in the wind?

Life is such a learning experience and learning is never easy.
I tend to wake up slowly and my mind usually takes hours to finally click on, but today was different. I woke up way early and was instantly awake-and I woke up with something burdening my heart. Right away I started talking to God and just pouring out all my frustrations, anxieties, and fears concerning this burden, so by the time my alarms started going off I was already deep in prayer. As I got up and started getting ready for work, the answer came to me.
God has put people in my life to pour into me, teaching me, guiding me, and loving me. These people have given me advice and because I am prideful I choose to ignore or pick & choose what I want to hear. I expect that because they love me they should want me to have what I want, when I should be pursuing what God wants in my life.
Is this pursuit something that God has laid out for me or is it something I expect to receive in my prideful/selfish spirit??? and I already know the answer.

Is there any encouragement from belonging to Christ? Any comfort from his love? Any fellowship together in the Spirit? Are your hearts tender and compassionate? Then make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one mind and purpose. Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had.
Philippians 2:1-5

life

wow its been forever since i posted. i killed my laptop awhile back and it was in the shop for a while, then it came home, and crashed again, so back to the hospital it went and now its home and The Passion Play is over and I have a semi normal life again.
First day back to normalcy sucked hardcore. there really arent any other words to describe this monday... BLAH but i guess the bad days make you appreciate the good ones all the more. soo bring on the good ones for a bit please!!!!

One thing I am so not good at dealing with is confrontations of any kind. I hate, avoid, and stress about having to talk to people about anything that might cause an embarrassment, scene, or dust up. And the new me keeps having moments where I have to talk about EVERYTHING I'm feeling or thinking or explain myself-I guess thats part of being social and around people. Blah its super hard for me and every time it happens I just want to sit and cry rather than have to talk it out. So far I've done good at expressing my thoughts without losing it but still I am finding it super rough. Being an adult is nothing like I thought it would be. They really should teach a class in school on what to expect when you grow up. Prayer is appreciated!

So the trouble is not with the law, for it is spiritual and good. The trouble is with me, for I am all too human, a slave to sin. I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate. But if I know that what I am doing is wrong, this shows that I agree that the law is good. So I am not the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it. And I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. I want to do what is right, but I can’t. I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway. But if I do what I don’t want to do, I am not really the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it. I have discovered this principle of life—that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong. I love God’s law with all my heart. But there is another power within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. So you see how it is: In my mind I really want to obey God’s law, but because of my sinful nature I am a slave to sin.
Romans 7:14-25

zooboomafou

i love the zoo!
seriously i love the zoo.

i got to spend a few hours with my family at the zoo and i had a blast. (got to run in the rain for part of it but thats fun too)

Check out the pics:

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=30263&l=7b288&id=662806722

silence is golden-or torture-depends on your perspective.

new things learned today:
*i now understand what a recession is, haa, i sorta had an idea bout it before but after hearing about it for the 1,000,000 time today. i thought id educate myself about it, since i like learning new things. Quite interesting stuff-especially in light of the fact that good ole Uncle Sam is making bank off taking taxes from my poor paycheck, which is really not that valuable i have learned this week, and to top it off I gotta fork over more mula to Uncle Sam now cuz he didnt get enough to start with. Blah Uncle Sam seems a bit greedy to me...i kid i kid. i appreciate the fact that i live in america and am blessed to be free and such-esp if i have to fork over the cash it makes me a bit more appreciative of my previously mentioned freedom.
Wow that sorta became a long winded-slightly run on sentence of my thoughts on recessions and govt! HAAA
*i also learned that i will not fall over dead if i dont spend my day constantly texting... strange cuz i really thought id at least get light headed or something... crazzy.

yay that beks and jake are going to be in town for a lil bit...

it brings a smile to my face

Im starting a list of things that bring me joy and Im going to keep adding to it as I think of new things, so when the grind of daily stresses and life get to me I can check out my list and remember that there are good things, and simple things, that make it okay.

~THINGS THAT BRING ME JOY~

-Garrett eskimo kisses, his zoolander face, and his funny smiles
-"bears beets battlestar galatica"
-singing along with the music at the top of my lungs

-that peace from God when I need it most
-reading the illuminati for the 500th time
-that quiet moment right before i fall asleep when all feels right with the world
-driving with the windows down on a cool day
-sleep cuz sleep is a serious business to me
-iron chef america (LOL)
-talking to my best friends cuz i dont have to explain what i mean-they just get me
-watching pride & prejudice (the miniseries version) again...and again...and again
-falling asleep to the breeze from my fan &"a thousands summers" by tim janis playing
-swinging on the hammock in the yard
-when something truly entertains me and i can laugh really loud

-bear hugs from Hannah

-getting a random funny text from a friend

-seeing new pictures of Gavin

-having someone ask my thoughts and really listen to me

......more to come......

a series of blurs like i never occurred

wow. okay i got online when i got home just now and realized a few things:
1-it has been almost a week since i even posted on here. (blah what happened to my commitment!? life would be the best guess because i didnt even see my room over this last weekend. i think i need to move my room closer to where ive been living my life so this doesnt happen as often anymore)
2-its been a month of NO DR PEPPERS. wow. major cause for celebration. & i have survived some very scarry no sleep situations during that month all with just water! (and the random sweet tea!-sweet tea must be said with a deep Texas drawl-otherwise whats the point.)
3-i had another major champion loser of a day (yes champion loser is a slight condtradiction but im trying to make a point of how awful the last couple of days have been.) but i survived!!!!
4-i like to number things off when i make a point... why do i do this? well who can understand the mind of me-cuz i sure dont get it and it belongs to me.
anyways.
thats all i have to share for now.

major important birthday!!!!!!!!

H A P P Y

B I R T H D A Y

A M B E R!

Its Amber's birthday! YAYYY

I am totally beyond words blessed to have Amber (and in turn her entire family) in my life. I seriously had nooo idea that when we met the first time years ago that we would become such amazing friends or that I would get to know the entire family so well. I count myself very fortunate to call her as my friend, and not just any friend-my florida bestie!!!

Happpppy Birthday!!!

life

goodness life is crazy hectic right now... i cant even get my laundry caught up.... lol
but oh well i prayed for guidance and God gave me plans, so im rocking right along.
if you need inspiration check out Tim Janis' album Thousand Summers---amazzzzzzing!!! i love it.

Castles and The King

when i hear the words: fortress, castle, stronghold-i've always thought: heroic, wisdom and safety. but what about the flip side? a fortress or castle could be used as a prison, example: the tower of London, the Bastille, or even Alcatraz. i came to the realization that i have built a stronghold around my heart. for years i've felt I was being serious about being faithful to Him in my dating life, but i have figured out that rather than me being guarded i was closing off my heart for selfish purposes. i spent years building walls around it to keep others too close for fear of opening myself up to rejection, humiliation, and failure. i could say oh i had something in my childhood that gives me an excuse to be so closed off but now that i have been dealing with that issue that made a little piece of the wall fell. now that the wall has a weak spot that puts everything in jeopardy. the image im seeing is like a dam with a little bitty crack that is dribbling water. the water is God because He wants and deserves to be everywhere completely permeating everything but the dam is stopping the natural flow. so as the crack widens more of Him is seeping into my life, eventually with the whole thing collapsing and He gets it all! so ive got to open up and let the only stronghold or fortress i need be the protection of my Father God and not my own selfish weak self created castle. 0nce i am at the place where ive let Him be my protector and center He will allow me to move forward into His great plan.

valentines

i love valentines day-actually i love any reason to dress up cute, laugh a lot really loud and go hang out with fun folks... soo yayyy for valentines day cause i got to do all of the above. plus then as soon as the party ended i jumped in the car and took off for Denton, where at about 1 am i am currently chilling with Joel watching National Geographic Channel (LOL yeahhh!!) just in case you havent ever spent some time with my Shoely you def should make that a priority in your life. LOL he is flipping awesome.

and in just roughly two hours i will be loading up and headed to the big ole DFW to fly far away to Jax Fl to see my bestie and her amazing family. I am super excited. I love her and her family rocks too. 

soo okay thats all i am saying cause i need to attempt to sleep for a lil bit before i head out. 

Happy Valentines Day.

(Shout out to Kell-sorry im missing this most important birthday. i will come back asap and we can have a belated bday party! love you!!!)

not cool not cool at all

i am sickish
and i am not happy about it.

im trying home remedies to get my sinuses happy again,
and it is not fun at all!!
it feels like someone punched me in the face - ouch...

ray of sunshine

today is gorgeous. seriously gorgeous. i just spent almost 2 hours laying on the hammock in the back yard, just chilling-relaxing-texting (of course) it was quite nice. i seriously think that swinging on a hammock must be some sensory thing for me cause i think it rocks major.
i have a bit of a funky throat today so i keep coughing something awful lol its a nasty smokers cough-which i should not have-but o well-dang that sinus drainage and my awful sinuses!
its only a few days until i go on my valentines trip! :) wooo. Since i love presents, i gave myself a great present for Valentines Day-a new cell phone and a trip to Florida!!! WOOOOO I am super excited.

i have a new fave song (i still have to get the updated lyrics from dad)

Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart;

Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.

Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,

Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.
Be Thou my Wisdom, and Thou my true Word;

I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord;

Thou my great Father, I Thy true son;

Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.
Be Thou my battle Shield, Sword for the fight;

Be Thou my Dignity, Thou my Delight;

Thou my soul’s Shelter, Thou my high Tower:

Raise Thou me heavenward, O Power of my power.
Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise,

Thou mine Inheritance, now and always:

Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,

High King of Heaven, my Treasure Thou art.
High King of Heaven, my victory won,

May I reach Heaven’s joys, O bright Heaven’s Sun!

Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,

Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all.

saturdays, games, and such

i love love love saturdays. and this saturday is no different. i get to sleep bum around and do whatever all day, then its game night at the HAWL house. Rock on!!!! only bad part of the day is i have major sinus drainage haaa i sound like ive smoked 10 packs a day for 20+ years its awful and a lil scary.

i saw juno last night-i really liked it, laughed a lot-and the soundtrack was killer awesome. then i headed to olive garden to dine with friends-lol-i love cheese!!!! :) the fonduit(??) is amazing-try it.
i have nothing amazing or brilliant to share since i just awoke and still am quite out of it, but have a lovely saturday!!!!!!!!
:) K
ps i am in love...... with my rocking new cell-palm treo-it is flipping sweet phone...

seriously im being serious

first thought-not a serious thought-i wish i had a way cool accent like british or something fun. instead of my amusing texas twang... o well...
second thought-the serious thought-
(yes there are run on sentences-lol-i didnt mess with editing.)
I never realized until now that I wish I had had someone in my life when I was a teenager and young adult who had wanted to spend the time and pour into my life in such a way to help guide and influence me in a good way rather than letting friends guide me so much. I think that because of the experiences I had as a teenager and the feeling of no one to relate to me and thinking no one cared, whether thru youth pastors not engaging us on a heart level, rebellious spirits wanting to argue with parents, or no ready and available or willing mentors-But with those issues and remembering the place I was in and the guidance I wanted-even craved-from someone who I thought could and would relate to me and someone who I knew I could trust and would love me if I asked the tough questions or even I tripped up and made mistakes. Now that I have someone pouring into my life (actually multiple people) I know that I can turn somewhere and get Godly advice and have that connection where I know someone cares and someone wants me to go the right way and it gives you a better sense of how to trust God on a deeper level, because He has gave me a sounding board and you know that He cannot let you down-unconditional love has NO conditions.. No matter what things come to trip me up, I know that there is a purpose to me having the experiences I had, because I can turn around and use these things to be relatable to other girls going thru the same thing. He uses all things to make us run to Him.

I have a purpose and there is a purpose to His works; He presses us to change us, not just alter our behavior but change us at our very heart. Not in wrath but in mercy, He presses us to the deepest darkest place not in anger but in love. When everything is taken away and He is all we have, we realize He is all we need.

Check out Psalm 138 and 139

super tuesday

i had grand plans this evening to make a quick trip to Denton to see Kell after her surgery, but mother nature had other plans. Mother Nature isn't very nice when she decided to throw baby hail at my pretty still new car!!! (or when she throws baseball hail at my dad/sister's transportation either) Yeah Im definitely not a fan of hers today. Soo instead I stayed home, and decided to catch up on my rest (much needed for sure) and now im watching the SUPER TUESDAY VOTING RESULTS.... (dorky as it is, i like election stuff. so this is really fun for me... yeppp)
i just have to say that i am really blessed to have the wonderful friends that i have, they are really so brilliant and supportive of me! i have had a super super busy last few weeks and its been crazy. But great news!!! Only one panic attack and it wasn't a very bad one!!!! (I think too much sugar can be a trigger for it, cause stress and lack of sleep hasn't set it off yet. Weird.) Yeah so I've hit 2 weeks with no dr pepper, and let me tell you this weekend was realllly hard. I wanted a dp so bad-but i survived!!! WOOO well im about to get ready for work tomorrow then crash out for a lovely night of sleep........

Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be. Your eye is a lamp that provides light for your body. When your eye is good, your whole body is filled with light. But when your eye is bad, your whole body is filled with darkness. And if the light you think you have is actually darkness, how deep that darkness is! Matthew 6:21-23

major sleep needed

ok i ended up volunteering with overdrive at my church this weekend and it totally wore me out, i am still trying to recover and once i do i will get back into the swing of blogs and real life...
but overall the experience was AMAZING! i love the direction God is taking my life and even though i have no idea where its headed im having fun.
check out this link for pictures from the weekend.

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=28134&l=4d6fc&id=662806722

its only wednesday

Plans...
I love making plans-well i dont know so much if its the plans or the control factor. But I need to know the plan and we have to stick to it or it frustrates me. I dont need lots of warning on it but i just need to be in the know! haaa Isnt it funny how no matter what we plan, God has his own plan already done up and soooo many times my plan is not quite what He had set up already. It is sooo hard to not try to be God's passenger seat "driver" (Which in real life I am reallllly bad about doing that to people lol gotta break that habit both ways.)
anyways thats all i have for today---long dayyyy---still not over....

Listen to advice and accept instruction, and in the end you will be wise. Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails. What a man desires is unfailing love better to be poor than a liar. The fear of the LORD leads to life: Then one rests content, untouched by trouble. Psalm 19:20-23

1 week=7 days=168 hours=10080 minutes!

I thought since I hit a major milestone today I would suddenly feel inspired to share some brilliant insight about ...something... but ya nothing is coming. so mundane stuff it is----Today was good, quite fun-got to spend some time with dad and got some work done.
My major milestone of the day was hitting the 1 week mark of NO DR PEPPER!!!! yeah I am super excited about that. Its verrry nice. And of course on the day I am passing this milestone i would face temptation. LOL but luckily I faced it down and won.
I started a new book-The Dangerous Act of Worship by Mark Labberton, and I am super excited about it. I will let ya know what I think as I get farther into it.

I also got it confirmed that I am going to see my bestie Amber in a few weeks. SUPER AMAZING! I miss them sooo much! I cannot wait because its been over 3 months since I have seen her and her family (plus my fave expat couple are back from China and I get to have a live in person chat with them!!!) My lil nephew Gavin is growing so fast and i am going to totally kill my camera taking a zillion pics of him while I am there. I am super excited but wish I could longer than just one weekend.




**My Gavin and Me**




I am going to be crazy busy the next few days so I am hoping I can find a few minutes every day to keep up my daily postings. Tomorrow is my "mentoring" day and I'll be in Lindale until late, but I love Wednesdays and all the fun that comes with them...

"Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord. Trust in Him and He will do this. He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn,

the justice of your cause like the noonday sun. Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him. Do not fret when men succeed in their ways when they carry out their wicked schemes."

Psalms 37:3-9

i thank the Lord that falling is full of grace

It entertains me, well no entertain isn't the word, more like it semi-irks me when people, mostly random acquaintances a lot of time, decide to "give me advice". Advice I didn't ask for, of course--Cause I like advice that is asked for.well usually-sometimes..... It ranges from little mundane things-comments about my hair etc-to the way over the top-why am i not married yet???

Do people really think they know better than God? Well truthfully I don't think that they really believe that they know better than God, but I guess they don't think first. HAAA (Hello i know I do not always think thru the advice I pop off to people.)
Okay honestly I totally had a blog all typed up and ready to go then I re-read it and decided it wasn't something I should post. Sometimes brutal honesty, while honest and very true, isn't something you should share with the whole bloggin' world. My pet peeves/irks, if shared, would prolly cause more problems than solutions. So instead I erased my lil soap box piece and decided to just say one thing.

I am a pretty self aware person, much more so than most people probably realize. I know I have quirks, issues, and faults just like everyone else, and yes most of my quirks are strange funny bizarre quirks, but that is what makes me Keri. I work on a daily basis to try to stay in a place where I am willing and able to listen to what God is sharing with me about who I am in Him. We are all works in progress. So who am I to tell Him what to do with His plans, they are perfect because their Author is the definition of perfection so how can my sinful selfish person tell the most high God anything. And many times I know He sends people into my life to help guide, steer, and advise me, but I also know that whatever is told to me in that manner will be from Him and not a soap box. Next time I am asked for advice, I need to remember to stop and be sure I can give it from a place where God is in the center, not my own biased opinion.

So besides that, i figured out today that I will be driving to Lindale 5 of the next 7 days this coming week. So funny that I spent so much time in Tyler that I move here and then suddenly start needing to be in Lindale all the time. HAA love the irony. I see a suitcase and the couch at the HAWL house in my not too distant future.

Also I am at roughly 144 hours Dr Pepper less... LOL at this point the headaches have stopped, woo, but I am scared to even be near one for fear of a random fit of uncontrollable craving hit me and i take out an innocent bystander for a sip of the carbonated syrup. but Good news-who knew water could be sooo filling and wonderful (that was total sarcasm).. Gag me. oh well it's for the best.. (DP-less leads to LA)

Okay its been a long Monday and I am ready for my sleep now.

So much love and thanks for stopping by my little corner of the world-comment away...

"From heaven the LORD looks down and sees all mankind; from his dwelling place he watches all who live on earth- he who forms the hearts of all, who considers everything they do. We wait in hope for the LORD; he is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. May your unfailing love rest upon us, O LORD, even as we put our hope in you." Psalms 33:13-15,20-22

an overactive mind leads to overlycomplicated situation

I seriously love sundays. :) even though my wonderful break from work is ending. Monday is almost here.......
Today was especially fun for me. My friend Hollie came to church with me, i now know I really like not going to church alone, the forever-neverending drive to lindale doesn't seem sooo bad if i have someone to talk too.
Memo to self-find a way to not have to commute alone so much.
Soooo of course worship and the service were amazing, then we had a quick lunch and off to the Volunteer Summit, which was quite fun since I got to hang out with "the most awesome Robyn", Shawn, & Hollie for a while-then since I dont technically belong anywhere with the volunteer thing i just decided to be a support fake volunteer and crash the worship teams break out session (hello-im the worship leaders daughter so i can roll like that.) It was very informative and if I ever wake up with an amazing singing voice-or even just find a way to carry a tune, I will definitely want to be on the worship team. LOL but since that wont happen i will just stick to my backstage bossiness that I do so well. ;) (speaking of that----Be ready for The Passion Play-coming soon!!!)

One thing that I keep getting from all of the talks was from Micah 6:8

"He has showed you, O man, what is good.

And what does the Lord require of you?

To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God."

HELLOOO I mean how much more simple can you get???

(Another translation of the Bible (The Message) says:
"But he's already made it plain how to live, what to do, what God is looking for in men and women. It's quite simple: Do what is fair and just to your neighbor, be compassionate and loyal in your love, And don't take yourself too seriously— take God seriously.")

Anyways my thoughts on this: Why stress about all the stuff in life that isn't in your control-and what really is actually in our control?
He gives us the answers-Be fair, just, loyal, compassionate, take Him seriously. Live in a way to bring glory to Him. Find your joy in Him. Give Him your love, worship, time. He will take care of you.

Last note: I have finally admitted to myself that I really can't read people quite as well as I always thought I could. Major bummer...

okkkaayyy much love to everyone reading this-its great to know people are out there-comment away....

peace out.

i <3 saturdays

Today is Devoted to Lindale Day. :) haaaa
I am going to spend my day in Lindale, which means I will have a bajillion pictures later. Super fun. Seriously i love my life! Okay short post today to keep it from interfering with my funnnnn...
have a super fun saturday cuz i know i will!

Wonderful Savior My heart belongs to Thee

I will remember always the blood You shed for me

Wonderful Savior My heart will know Your worth

So I will embrace You always as I walk this earth

Be blessed, be loved, be lifted high

Be treasured here Be glorified

I owe my life to You my Lord Here I am

Beautiful Jesus How may I bless Your heart?

Knees to the earth I bow down to everything

You are Beautiful Jesus

You are my only worth

So let me embrace You always as I walk this earth

-Watermark

beware of falling objects

Seriously I am a klutz! I was doing all great-straightening up the new bookcase in my room and setting stuff up, then all the sudden all this stuff came raining down on me... picture frames, boxes, eiffel tower sculptures. haaa Talk about pain. (and i scared Jaxon too haa). Yucky i am going to have a knot on my head and a lil nicks on my arms/hands. GAGGG.

Plus at this moment I am 82 hours without Dr Pepper-yep I am counting hours, that's just how I roll. haa Luckily I have a dear friend who reminded me not to order one out of habit at dinner!!! HAA (Thanks Linds)

So big news... Today is a verry verry important day---My dear lovely sweet brilliant gorgeous amazing nephew Garrett Keith is 6 months old today! I cannot believe I really have a nephew and that he is really this awesome. I adore being an aunt-I never knew I would love it all this much (well

besides the projectile throw up-that he saves just for me, booo!, and the diaper duty-which i have completely avoided sooo far, yaaay!!!)

See!!! he is soo amazingly cute huh?!

Okay well Im off to finish straightening up my bookcase, take a tylenol, then sleep time! Super fun weekend about to begin wooo I love weekends. I had some amazing quiet times this week but I haven't had time to get it all written up---Keep a watch for it soon.
:) Happy 6 month Gare Bear.

The end of a matter is better than its beginning, and patience is better than pride. Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools. Do not say, "why were the old days better than these?" For it is not wise to ask such questions.

Ecclesiastes 7:8-10

48+ hours and counting...

Wow who knew caffeine withdrawl headaches could hurt that bad. Last night i thought i was going crosseyed from the pain, but ohhh welll i made it another day... YAYYYYYY!!!

I miss Friends being on every Thursday night (even having the 3 CSIs and The Office doesnt make up for no Friends.)
...anyways...

the weekend is almost here and Im quite happy about the prospect of no work for a couple of days....

okay thats all i have for today-

Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. Proverbs 4:23

best of intentions

i decided to see if i could stop drinking caffeine.
it sounds so lovely and wonderful, to be able to just be a lil bit healthier and cut out coffee (not hard for me) and dr pepper (major hard for me). But now I am at the 24 hour mark and i could seriously hurt someone for a dp if they put it in front of me right now, even if they just joked about giving me a dp.
my head hurts-i am in the middle of caffeine killer withdrawls
but besides that i am in a great mood, (haaa) i LOVE LOVE LOVE winter cold and i LOVE wednesdays plus I got to spend the morning listening to Matt Chandler & Tommy Nelson podcasts while I worked-YAYY for ipods.

Is it strange to be cheerfully sullen??? oh well i am weird so i guess i can be both at the same time. Day 1 Caffeine Free still.

"Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God. God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few.When you make a vow to God, do not delay in fulfilling it. He has no pleasure in fools; fulfill your vow. It is better not to vow than to make a vow and not fulfill it. Do not let your mouth lead you into sin. And do not protest to the temple messenger, "My vow was a mistake." Why should God be angry at what you say and destroy the work of your hands? Much dreaming and many words are meaningless. Therefore stand in awe of God" Eccl. 5:2,5-7

i believe in the sun even when its not shining

Lately I have felt like I am in a pressure cooker, life stresses were just overwhelming me. I have talked before about my panic attacks and anxiety issues, and finally I feel like I have found a way to live my life without them interfering constantly. However that hasn't stopped the stress from piling on from different places. A few weeks back I asked some close friends to just pray over me during all this drama and I received some amazing responses from them. I thought I would share one in particular because it totally encompasses what I needed to remember.

“Nothing is going to thwart His plans one single bit! He is orchestrating things from Heaven so that you know Him better, trust Him more, and depend on Him more. These little snags in that journey are designed just for you - so that you can grow in your faith as you see that you can totally trust in God! DO NOT FEAR! Choose at this stage - when things seem to be getting crazy - to TRUST at a new level - cast all your fears, concerns, plans, etc., on God and just watch to see how He is going to work it all out!”

I have figured out I have too many things in my life I use as distractions from keeping my true focus on Him and living His purpose. He has begun showing me new paths where I can be useful and I am really excited to see what is in store for the future. Right now I am doing a bit of "spring cleaning" and throwing out some old baggage, stuff, and wasted time to get my mindset back in the right place so that I can reflect His Glory. Please keep me in your prayers as I seek His guidance and purpose for my life!

Psalms 38:4,9-10,21-22
My guilt has overwhelmed me like a burden too heavy to bear... All my longings lie open before you, O Lord, my sighing is not hidden from you. My heart pounds, my strength fails me, even the light has gone from my eyes....O Lord do not forsake me, be not far from me, O my God. Come quickly to help me, O Lord my Savior.

Psalms 28:6-9
Praise be to the Lord for He has heard my cry for mercy. The Lord is my strength and my shield, my heart trusts in Him and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to Him in song. The Lord is the strength of His people, a fortress of salvation for His anointed one. Save your people and bless your inheritance, be their shepherd and carry them forever.

status: major case of the mondays

im feeling super grumpy today. (and my reasons for being bratty arent even good reasons.) LOL
i know i should just suck it up and be happy cause at least i woke up this morning, But telling youself that and actually being able to do it are a whole different story. so I came home for lunch to see if curling up and watching a lil CSI Miami would make it better but now with it rainy cold outside and my bed nice and comfy warm i seriously dont want to get up at all much less to go sit at a desk.
ahhhhh i need a major attitude adjustment today... and thought everyone should know about it. God has a plan and I need to stop trying to be a backseat driver about it.....

Ecclesiates 7:14
When times are good, be happy: but when times are bad, consider. God has made the one as well as the other. Therefore a man cannot discover anything about this future.

::::EVENING UPDATE::::
i heard this song on the radio on my way back to work, feels appropriate for this time and place that i am in...
check it out. its awesome--trust me cause i know awesome :)

Simply Love You
By Ginny Owens

I used to see the world in black and white
Now I find myself lost in a fog of grey
I thought the good guys always won the fight
But I've learned life simply doesn't work that way
I once believed if I loved others they would love me, too
But I've seen this isn't always so
I thought that inner peace would come from trusting who I am,
But it's really about trusting who I know

So when the winds of change try to blow me over,
And the shadows of confusion hide the truth
I will hope in the One who is forever,
I will run to you
I will run to you

Ever since the moment life began
Humankind has tried to solve it's mysteries
So many things we cannot comprehend
So we draw conclusions that we can believe
Well, I know that your hands have placed the Earth upon the seas
And pitched a tent in the Heavens for the sun
The Author of the universe is the Father who loves me
So only one conlusion can be drawn

When I face the questions that seem to have no answers
And I know my friends are but a precious few
I will hope in the Love that is forever
I will run to you

Though the perils of life seem so great
And hope seems so frail
You never fail, no
Shadows may not disappear
But You've always made it clear
Truth will prevail
You will prevail

random thought for the day.

yep so this is morbid, but funny. (cant say i didn't warn you)

okay i was thinking this morning as i curled my hair....
i really haven't ever really thought of how i want to die, i mean besides joking that if the plane is going to go down with me on it I guess thats my destiny, nothing i can do to change that or that i would rather just die in my sleep-painless etc.... but then today........................ i realized i do sort of care about how i die, because i definitely DO NOT want to be eaten alive by a giant angry mutated grasshopper-lizard thing or one of his deflicted lil mutant babies....
dont you agree that would really just suck.

quick note

The testimony I wrote awhile back on the blog under Amazed By His Grace is going to be in the Revive magazine at Grace in February under the title. "Crushed"
Soo keep me in your prayers because having this shared with so many people, especially so many strangers, is a big step for me, but really exciting too!!!

Here

Why is it so hard to remember that God is here ALWAYS. I mean we walk around in our good times and say Oh God is with me, He is amazing and never leaves, but then the moment something bad happens you panic. My first reaction is Why did you let this happen to me!!! as if He just took a coffee break, has no clue about my ordeal, and left me on my own in the big real world.
Recently I was at church and one of the things that was said during the sermon really stuck with me so I wrote it in my Bible.
"Hinge on what He has done"
So okay if you know me you know besides being a bit of a spaz I also have a bit of a panic attack problem, okay well more than a bit, but anyways. When stuff gets stressful and I feel like I am in an uncontrollable situation, my brain automatically goes into freak out mode and I start panicking. So all that to say there has been stuff in my life that has been pretty stressful the last few weeks so my panic attacks have been the worst I have ever had, so today when I felt the beginnings of a panic attack coming, right away I went into full on freak out mode. Let me just say it's awful having one of those things, especially when I am not at home where I feel less awkward about it. So I immediately started asking God why He would let me have this right now, How could He does this to me, Why does He leave me to do this on my own?
Since I have been trying to find a way to focus on something other than the panic, so I have started carrying my Bible with me everywhere. Now when I feel panicky I can pull out my Bible and just use the word as my focus point. I had left a bookmark on that page where I had written that phrase so first thing I saw was "Hinge on what He has done." So I just started thinking back to every time I have had a panic attack before. Yes they were awful, miserable, and in no way fun stuff, but I survive them EVERYTIME. I have yet to die from one (and will never die from one), most people don't makes fun of me for it, and I always make it through them.
So rather than freaking out more, I just started telling myself, "God is always here, He always is with me through this. I will be fine" I know in the future I will have panic attacks-its just part of my life. But as I am walking through the rough stuff in life I have to remember He taking care of me, even when I doubt Him, He is right HERE.

Busy Busy Busy

I have been a major slacker this last week of the holidays. I have written all kinds of new stuff but haven't had time to edit or post it.
Sooo check back soon :)