Particularly Peculiar

Obedience

2011-09-25T14:50:00.001-05:00

"Is it not true that if you do what is right, you will be fine? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at the door. It desires to dominate you, but you must subdue it." Gen. 4:7

Obedience has been at the heart of so many of my recent conversations & this verse continues to come to mind.
The desire to disobey is not something only children or teenagers struggle with daily. We as adults are presented with obedience challenges every day.

Obey our boss... Obey our conscience... Obey traffic laws... Obey common sense...

Even though we are grown up, there are still people placed in our lives by God who we must obey. Just because we are over 21 and the rules arent coming from mom and dad - does not mean we get to play by our own rules.

Willful disobedience separates us from our Father and in that separation we lose sight of living the life we are called to live for Him. These conversations I have had over the last few weeks have really caused me to take a strong look at my choices and my attitude towards obeying.

Obeying may not always be fun, it may not always make sense, and we may not always agree, but we are still told to DO WHAT IS RIGHT.

O B E D I E N C E obedience is the very best way to show that I believe...

From the mouths of babes and total truth.

Blogging

2011-08-31T19:00:00.001-05:00

Perhaps by updating my background picture - I will find my blogging voice again...

Be a Better Blogger.

2011-01-12T20:11:00.000-06:00

Awhile back I saw a twitter friend had an idea to be a better blogger, so I thought I would try the same thing, but in a different way. I googled that topic and found a list of 30 questions. There is no way I will post every day. Hopefully I can work my way down the list and get better at posting - some questions are stupid so I will probably skip those! By the end, maybe the habit will be formed.

Here are the topics:

day 1- recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself
day 2- the meaning behind you blog name
day 3- a picture of you and your friends
day 4- a habit that you wish you didn’t have
day 5- a picture of somewhere youve been to
day 6- favorite super hero and why
day 7- a picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you
day 8- short term goals for this month and why
day 9- something youre proud of in the past few days
day 10- songs you listen to when you are happy, sad, bored, hyped, mad
day 11- another picture of you and your friends
day 12- how you found out about blogger and why you have one
day 13- a letter to someone who has hurt you recently
day 14- a picture of you and your family
day 15- put you ipod on shuffle: first 10 songs that play
day 16- another picture of yourself
day 17- someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why
day 18- plans/dreams/goals you have
day 19- nicknames you have and why you have them
day 20- someone you see yourself marrying or being with in the future
day 21- a picture of something that makes you happy
day 22- what makes you different from everyone else
day 23- something you crave for a lot
day 24- a letter to your parents
day 25- what I would find in your bag
day 26- what do you think about your friends
day 27- why are you doing this 30 day challenge
day 28- a picture of you from last year and now, how have you changed since then?
day 29- in this past month, what have you learned
day 30- you favorite song

DAY 1

Day 01- A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself

Recent Pic - Done! Taken with my sis just a week ago.

Fifteen Facts -

1. I am obsessed with Rick Steves. Not really with the actual man, but with his books and podcasts. His knowledge of travel and Europe is amazing.

2. My favorite perfume is Britney Spears "Fantasy". I get mocked for it but I love the way it smells! LOVE

3. I would wear a tunic shirt, leggings and boots every day if Texas weather would allow it. (or my sisters, but they keep me in line "fashion" wise.)

4. My life goal was to be an aunt... not just an aunt, but the worlds greatest aunt. Goal Achieved. Just ask Garrett... He will say I am the best ever.

5. I love my job. I am an assistant to an athletic director. Sounds random for me. But it is the perfect job.

6. Sometimes I forget to take off my sunglasses. Contrary to what Mike Posner might say about girls who wear designer shades. I do not think I am cooler than anyone. I just forget i have them on and have even worn them to bed before realizing. HA

7. I am growing my hair out... I swear I will never cut it again. However my hair dresser says she will cut it if it gets to that awkwardly too long length that some people try to rock without succeeding.

8. For my big 3 0 birthday, I celebrated for a year. 2 cruises, multiple parties, trips, presents, and fun.

9. On one of the above vacations, I bought myself the most GORGEOUS ring. Not just a fun cocktail dinner ring, but a beautiful right hand ring. It is a stone called Larimar, and it looks like the ocean.

10. I hate summer, I love fall. Spring and winter are cool too.

11. I usually avoid conversations about "celebrity crushes" cause I think they are ridiculous. But after watching the World Cup for the first time in my life, I saw the hottest hottie ever and he's a soccer hottie which is always better. HA So my celebrity crush is .... Iker Casillas.

12. I watch Jersey Shore and the Real Housewives franchises. Seriously, my sisters and I love to mock them but still keep watching. So Amazing.

13. I hate rollercosters. I took a 10 year hiatus from them in hopes that my feelings would change. Then one evening I rode 6 different ones, and hated it all. I almost kissed the ground at the end. So I have decided to just giving up on it. Boo rollercoasters.

14. Angry birds is the coolest game ever... as well as angry birds seasons. It has taught me a lot about trajectory, aim, not to anger birds, and time management.

15. My work bestie introduced me to a coffee I could stand to drink and I taught her the joy of wearing tunics with leggings and boots. Friendships rocks.

There we go... Enjoy.

My Christmas Eve

2010-12-24T21:06:00.000-06:00

This Christmas Eve, I am home researching my favorite subject.

Europe

I have been constantly studying, planning, and dreaming of the places I will see since I was a child. And in just a few months, I plan to be in Europe armed with my trusty Rick Steve's guidebook, an obsessive love of ancient history, and a romanticized ideal of European culture (along with a quite depleted savings account.)

Have I set myself for disappointment? I am sure there will be some along the way, but still I cannot wait until I am standing before the Colesseum, strolling down the Champs-Elysees, or gliding along the Grand Canal. There will be tons of photos and fun stories, but nothing will match the feeling of accomplishment and memories I will have when this finally happens.

Stay Tuned...

random is quite right

2010-11-21T21:46:00.000-06:00

Thanksgiving break has barely begun and I am already stir crazy. This could be bad especially for my wallet... But on the good side, I now have the newest Taylor Swift album, as well as a couple of other random singles, and a bio about Marie Antoinette. Happiness. Random is so lovely - sitting here the last few hours have made me think about a lot of stuff, and I just had to share a few. Hopefully they will entertain you as much as they do me.

I wish we still spoke like they did in Jane Austen's time. It sounds so much more elegant.
The ridiculous Bieber "oh baby" song get stucks in my head every time I hear it, and that is awful.
NKOTB/BSB going on tour together makes me revert to 16. I will be seeing this if they will come to Texas.
Some people are "book smart but street stupid" and that drives me insane sometimes.
I still raise my hand when I have something to say.
Men should not weather sparkly pants. NEVER EVER.
I can read "the Illuminati" 1343 times and never get sick of it. It's not even relevant but I still enjoy it.
Modern Family is the only thing mine and Rachel's sense of humor can agree on. (Shy Ronnie vs Iran So Far.)
I will not let my love is not influenced by a DJ.
October is automatically boot and legging season, no matter the weather, deal with it.
Veins in a chicken make me want to be a vegetarian.
I am the best gee ever.

Happy Turkey Day!!!

Go Big Blue!

2010-09-25T21:01:00.000-05:00

Someone asked me the other day,

"Ten years ago, could you imagine yourself as a cheer sponsor working in Athletics?"

My answer, "Nooo!"

But regardless... I am working in an athletic department and I am the cheer sponsor. And I love it. Absolutely LOVE it.

One of my first duties as cheer sponsor was to plan a Pee Wee Clinic for girls from 4K - 4th grade. (Total signed up = 50!) We had a two hour clinic with all of the Middle and Upper School cheerleaders (almost 30 of them.) After a week delay due to rain, we had a pee wee performance at halftime last night. Almost 80 cheerleaders, their parents, plus 40 pee wee football players, made for an INSANELY fun halftime show. We survived, they were adorable, and I think it was a huge success. I have to say I am pretty proud of myself.

Life

2010-09-15T22:13:00.001-05:00

Life is just insane right now. Hence the lameness of my blog as of late.

Perhaps after this week of insanity passes I can find fun things to share... Such as stories of survival of Pee Wee Clinics and my first pep rally as Cheer Sponsor.

Sooo now to sleep and more insanity tomorrow!

Building Cities in the Leaves

2010-08-22T19:31:00.000-05:00

"It is almost fall. It is almost fall." If I keep saying it, it will be here soon.

I love fall for many reasons...
cool weather,
pretty leaves,
football season,
and my BIRTHDAY (October 14!!!)

I realized today that August is almost over and around the corner autumn waits patiently for its turn. I am sure anyone living around Texas this time of year must be as happy about cooler weather as me. With fall comes a fun memory.

Soooo I have 7 siblings-four brothers, three sisters. Growing up was a blast, even now is a blast. Our family get togethers are pure insane bundles of energy and noise. Part of growing up was entertaining ourselves and with 8 kids under the age of 18 under 1 roof, we grew up playing outside-Obviously. Every once in awhile my parents will ask us random questions, and recently Dad asked me, "What was your favorite memory growing up?" I have an instant answer, and it turns out that most of my siblings share the same one...
(Sadly it is not dressing Joel and Jere up in jewelry and make up-if only I could find those pictures)

The favored memory for us... building cities in the leaves.

We lived in our "blue house" which had a massive back yard perfect for a herd of children with imaginations running wild. We designed intricate cities, houses, rooms, and streets out of leaves and dirt with rakes and shovels. In these make believe places, we rode our bikes, pulled our wagons, and played for hours.

I, honestly, cannot remember details of what we did for those hours upon hours, but I do remember spending forever on bikes riding around the "streets" visiting other "houses". I am sure with my brothers hilarious sense of humor and imaginative storytelling, we must have had some hysterical stories and laughter.

So for me, seeing that fall is almost here, once I see the leaves start changing, this will be the thing that continues to come to mind. I cannot wait to run kick a pile of leaves and remember the fun times in the cities with my family.

Summer is Over

2010-08-15T20:31:00.003-05:00

I LOVE my job, but knowing the school year is starting back is y u c k! I finished up the summer the best way possible... pack in as much stuff as possible to have a blast.
I got my hair done, dinner with my work bff, girls night out at a Cowboys Preseason game, Dallas and Denton with the fam, and a tea with cheerleaders and their moms. Talk about a seriously hectic long weekend but I had so much fun.

we had killer seats.

Me and my newly graduated bro!

Hannah and I

Me, Jenny, and Debra at the game

me and my presh nephew

Who Ya Gonna Call

2010-08-04T20:11:00.000-05:00

I have always thought I do not believe in ghostly things, or at least I should say I haven't ever had any encounters to make me think about them. My sis, Beks, is pretty hardcore into ghostly shows and the like, so she is the closest thing I have to an expert. I usually get too freaked out (overactive imagination) to handle even the tamest of ghost shows and stories... give me zombies, vampires, or gory war movies any day over ghosts.

So I was recently asked to house sit for a couple of months. It's a super nice place, but is a pretty huge spread. So from the first nights I was here, strange stuff kept happening. I would hear voices around the house-sometimes multiple people having conversations, other times just a man's voice. At first I thought it was the computer in the office having issues with pop-up ads or something, so I muted the sound. This seemed to help, but then the voices came back! Most of the time it's just a loud booming man's voice, but sometimes he brings friends.

Before you say "This is just your overactive imagination", other people have experienced the stuff I am talking about while they have been at the house so I have witnesses.

Other random strange things that happen, and they sometimes happen at the same time with the voices.

Doors opening and shutting-plus knocking on doors.
Shower turns itself off, on multiple occasions.
Sinks turning on and off, over and over.
Internal intercom systems makes clicking buzzing sounds (even though its off!)
Lights turning on and off in different parts of the house.

Don't get me wrong-this is weird stuff, but I am NOT scared by whatever it is. Just fascinated and I want answers!!! (Plus this makes a great addition to Beks ghost story collection.)
I thought I would just put this out there. Everyone I tell about it is always wants more details so I will update as stuff goes on OR if we find an answer.

"We came, we saw, we kicked its butt!"

seven twenty five

2010-07-25T12:58:00.002-05:00

Many times I cannot recall exact memories or stories from when I was younger, I just don't have that kind of recall. So when people tell stories about something from when they were younger or about some long past memory, I usually strain to think of what I might have been doing about that time in my life.

Even important dates don't always stick in the right spot on the memory timeline. My previous birthdays have begun to run together. Oh some stand outs do pop up ... A costume party, a race car cake, and the like.
I guess my brain is so filled with trival facts that it has done a disk cleanup on dates and memories.
However I know of one very important date that sticks in my mind...

July 25, 2007.

I can tell you what i did this day in great detail. My future sister in law Kelley had spent the night and we got up super early. We got dresses in our matching tshirts-one of the few tunes I would willingly abd proudly wear a tshirt. We jumped in the car and headed across town. It was still dark when we arrived at our destination.
Now the big event wasn't even scheduled for hours but I was acting like a manical crazed teenager about to see my favorite movie star or singer. I wanted to be there before any of the action started, I wanted to get my seat and not miss a minute. Do I sound obsessed? Yes I'm sure I do. And I am okay with that.
Sooo other people start arriving... Friends, family, food deliveries. We all camped out in the waiting area awaiting the big moment. Hours pass and time moves so slow. We try playing cards, which I have no patience for on a normal day, and as always with my family, we eat, tell stories, and laugh.

Finally a little after 3pm, we hear it's time!!!

We line up like cattle down the hallway. Of course, MD (mom & dad) get to go first, but quickly it's my turn. I think I may have run down that hallway into the room. Finally the time has arrived and I have added another piece to who I am.
Daughter. Sister. Friend.

This one I've waited for since I was a small child. It's been my biggest dream for as long as I can remember. I didn't want to be a doctor, lawyer, astronaut, or the like.
I am an AUNT!!!

I have never experienced a feeling quite like the first moment I saw Garrett. Talk about love at first sight.
(My poor sister had just given birth and I don't think I spoke to her for the first few minutes I was in the room.)
I cannot describe how amazing and fun the last three years have been watching this child grow and cannot wait to be there the rest of my life.
And today my amazing, hysterically funny, full of life, beautiful nephew turns 3! Gee loves you more than you'll ever know.

Happy birthday, Garrett Keith!

Three D

2010-07-24T23:26:00.001-05:00

Am I the only one who cannot see anything cool when watching 3D movies?I wear the glasses, try sitting in different spots, but never can see an extra dimension?!
Sorta annoying to have to pay that extra fee for glasses and never see stuff cool like the other peeps.
Ahhh well Despicable Me was cute and very funny regardless.

The cuteness that is my nephew must be shared. :)

2010-07-23T22:48:00.000-05:00

Garrett and Gee (me) at Cherokee Trace Drive Thru Safari

Same Page ... New Start

2010-07-23T16:23:00.002-05:00

Well I have been meaning to restart my blogging, but never actually sat down to do it until today! Finally, slacker no more...As always there are many random thoughts popping through my mind but I am going to try to wrangle it in until I get my blogging skills back.

My Top Five Thoughts Today

(thus far)

1. Why do people, who live on a volcanic mountain that is about to explode, leave their children at home to go discuss the said volcano blowing??? Really... Is that wise parenting?

2. Can some people really not separate fact from fiction? There are intelligent well documented historical books and then there are books that are complete figments of imagination, but all in all there is one I would allow to affect my life and choices... Don't base your life on the wrong thing.

3. Any ideas on how to make hair grow faster? I want my long hair back and it is not getting there as fast as I would like. I guess I could go ahead and fake it with extensions...

4. How does me having tattoos qualify as a Rebel? Webster's definition of a Rebel is "a : opposing or taking arms against a government or ruler b : of or relating to rebels : disobedient, rebellious" Sure does not sound like me at all... Ahh well cultivating a new side of my personality, I guess.

5. I just finished Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert and LOVED it. It was very thought provoking, entertaining, and fun. Plus now I have I must live in Europe at some point... Here is a quote from the book which I identified with a lot.

"Traveling is the great true love of my life.

I have always felt...that to travel is worth any cost or sacrifice.

I am loyal and constant in my love for travel, as I have not always been love and constant in my other loves. I feel about travel the way a happy new mother feel about her impossible, colicky, retless newborn baby-I just don't care what it puts me throught. Because I adore it. Because it's mine. Because it looks exactly like me. It can barf all over me if it wants to-I just don't care."

Taking a nap messes up regularly scheduled sleep time

2009-09-19T22:59:00.002-05:00

Wow busy busy week. So random note for readers out there.
Psych is so hilarious, it cracks me up every time. Check it out on hulu.com for a good life.

Waiting on the Hair to Grow Back

2009-09-14T20:29:00.002-05:00

So here's to new beginnings...
All in one summer. New Job, New House, 2 New Sisters, New Haircut... Just need a New Tattoo to round this all out... ;)
One of my new sisters said its time for me to revive the blog so here we go. I haven't really decided how this will work on the new go round, but check in occasionally to see.

I was listening to a Mark Driscoll sermon on my way back from Denton this last Sunday, and he was preaching out of 1 Peter. I resisted the urge to yank out the iPhone and look it up it in the Holy Bible app until I got home. So I read through 1 Peter once i was safely home. And 1 Peter 1:17 keep popping out at me.
'Since you call on a Father who judges each man's work impartially,
live your lives as strangers here in reverent fear.'
Ironically Kelley and I had just been discussing the word "fear" and all the different meanings it can be used for in the Bible... (Since English majorly lacks in the beautiful imaginative word usage department) Have you ever just stopped and pondered this verse?? I sure haven't, but now I am.
Dr Constable says of this passage. "Live your life pursuing God, we aren't here forever.
We are just on a brief sojourn."
Sojourn-French word? of course not English- to stay or dwell for a time.
Definitely a verse to ponder.

life

2008-04-26T11:55:00.001-05:00

Life is officially insane. haha
I have never been this busy ever and I can't seem to find a balance to keep everything going right just yet. So the blog is suffering because of that. But once I find a balance I will do better! I promise :)

times they are a changing... i mean transitioning lol

2008-04-01T20:15:00.001-05:00

Im moving!!!!! In just mere weeks I will be living back in good ole Lindale!
:) YAYY

im a kite, Christ is the hurricane. who am i to boast that i can fly in the wind?

2008-03-26T07:20:00.003-05:00

Life is such a learning experience and learning is never easy.
I tend to wake up slowly and my mind usually takes hours to finally click on, but today was different. I woke up way early and was instantly awake-and I woke up with something burdening my heart. Right away I started talking to God and just pouring out all my frustrations, anxieties, and fears concerning this burden, so by the time my alarms started going off I was already deep in prayer. As I got up and started getting ready for work, the answer came to me.
God has put people in my life to pour into me, teaching me, guiding me, and loving me. These people have given me advice and because I am prideful I choose to ignore or pick & choose what I want to hear. I expect that because they love me they should want me to have what I want, when I should be pursuing what God wants in my life.
Is this pursuit something that God has laid out for me or is it something I expect to receive in my prideful/selfish spirit??? and I already know the answer.

Is there any encouragement from belonging to Christ? Any comfort from his love? Any fellowship together in the Spirit? Are your hearts tender and compassionate? Then make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one mind and purpose. Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had.
Philippians 2:1-5

life

2008-03-24T20:46:00.002-05:00

wow its been forever since i posted. i killed my laptop awhile back and it was in the shop for a while, then it came home, and crashed again, so back to the hospital it went and now its home and The Passion Play is over and I have a semi normal life again.
First day back to normalcy sucked hardcore. there really arent any other words to describe this monday... BLAH but i guess the bad days make you appreciate the good ones all the more. soo bring on the good ones for a bit please!!!!

One thing I am so not good at dealing with is confrontations of any kind. I hate, avoid, and stress about having to talk to people about anything that might cause an embarrassment, scene, or dust up. And the new me keeps having moments where I have to talk about EVERYTHING I'm feeling or thinking or explain myself-I guess thats part of being social and around people. Blah its super hard for me and every time it happens I just want to sit and cry rather than have to talk it out. So far I've done good at expressing my thoughts without losing it but still I am finding it super rough. Being an adult is nothing like I thought it would be. They really should teach a class in school on what to expect when you grow up. Prayer is appreciated!

So the trouble is not with the law, for it is spiritual and good. The trouble is with me, for I am all too human, a slave to sin. I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate. But if I know that what I am doing is wrong, this shows that I agree that the law is good. So I am not the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it. And I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. I want to do what is right, but I can’t. I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway. But if I do what I don’t want to do, I am not really the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it. I have discovered this principle of life—that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong. I love God’s law with all my heart. But there is another power within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. So you see how it is: In my mind I really want to obey God’s law, but because of my sinful nature I am a slave to sin.
Romans 7:14-25

zooboomafou

2008-03-01T16:35:00.004-06:00

i love the zoo!
seriously i love the zoo.

i got to spend a few hours with my family at the zoo and i had a blast. (got to run in the rain for part of it but thats fun too)

Check out the pics:

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=30263&l=7b288&id=662806722

silence is golden-or torture-depends on your perspective.

2008-02-28T21:50:00.002-06:00

new things learned today:
*i now understand what a recession is, haa, i sorta had an idea bout it before but after hearing about it for the 1,000,000 time today. i thought id educate myself about it, since i like learning new things. Quite interesting stuff-especially in light of the fact that good ole Uncle Sam is making bank off taking taxes from my poor paycheck, which is really not that valuable i have learned this week, and to top it off I gotta fork over more mula to Uncle Sam now cuz he didnt get enough to start with. Blah Uncle Sam seems a bit greedy to me...i kid i kid. i appreciate the fact that i live in america and am blessed to be free and such-esp if i have to fork over the cash it makes me a bit more appreciative of my previously mentioned freedom.
Wow that sorta became a long winded-slightly run on sentence of my thoughts on recessions and govt! HAAA
*i also learned that i will not fall over dead if i dont spend my day constantly texting... strange cuz i really thought id at least get light headed or something... crazzy.

yay that beks and jake are going to be in town for a lil bit...

it brings a smile to my face

2008-02-27T22:06:00.002-06:00

Im starting a list of things that bring me joy and Im going to keep adding to it as I think of new things, so when the grind of daily stresses and life get to me I can check out my list and remember that there are good things, and simple things, that make it okay.

~THINGS THAT BRING ME JOY~

-Garrett eskimo kisses, his zoolander face, and his funny smiles
-"bears beets battlestar galatica"
-singing along with the music at the top of my lungs

-that peace from God when I need it most
-reading the illuminati for the 500th time
-that quiet moment right before i fall asleep when all feels right with the world
-driving with the windows down on a cool day
-sleep cuz sleep is a serious business to me
-iron chef america (LOL)
-talking to my best friends cuz i dont have to explain what i mean-they just get me
-watching pride & prejudice (the miniseries version) again...and again...and again
-falling asleep to the breeze from my fan &"a thousands summers" by tim janis playing
-swinging on the hammock in the yard
-when something truly entertains me and i can laugh really loud

-bear hugs from Hannah

-getting a random funny text from a friend

-seeing new pictures of Gavin

-having someone ask my thoughts and really listen to me

......more to come......

a series of blurs like i never occurred

2008-02-26T20:34:00.002-06:00

wow. okay i got online when i got home just now and realized a few things:
1-it has been almost a week since i even posted on here. (blah what happened to my commitment!? life would be the best guess because i didnt even see my room over this last weekend. i think i need to move my room closer to where ive been living my life so this doesnt happen as often anymore)
2-its been a month of NO DR PEPPERS. wow. major cause for celebration. & i have survived some very scarry no sleep situations during that month all with just water! (and the random sweet tea!-sweet tea must be said with a deep Texas drawl-otherwise whats the point.)
3-i had another major champion loser of a day (yes champion loser is a slight condtradiction but im trying to make a point of how awful the last couple of days have been.) but i survived!!!!
4-i like to number things off when i make a point... why do i do this? well who can understand the mind of me-cuz i sure dont get it and it belongs to me.
anyways.
thats all i have to share for now.

major important birthday!!!!!!!!

2008-02-20T22:04:00.005-06:00

H A P P Y

B I R T H D A Y

A M B E R!

Its Amber's birthday! YAYYY

I am totally beyond words blessed to have Amber (and in turn her entire family) in my life. I seriously had nooo idea that when we met the first time years ago that we would become such amazing friends or that I would get to know the entire family so well. I count myself very fortunate to call her as my friend, and not just any friend-my florida bestie!!!

Happpppy Birthday!!!

life

2008-02-20T21:57:00.001-06:00

goodness life is crazy hectic right now... i cant even get my laundry caught up.... lol
but oh well i prayed for guidance and God gave me plans, so im rocking right along.
if you need inspiration check out Tim Janis' album Thousand Summers---amazzzzzzing!!! i love it.

Castles and The King

2008-02-18T20:05:00.001-06:00

when i hear the words: fortress, castle, stronghold-i've always thought: heroic, wisdom and safety. but what about the flip side? a fortress or castle could be used as a prison, example: the tower of London, the Bastille, or even Alcatraz. i came to the realization that i have built a stronghold around my heart. for years i've felt I was being serious about being faithful to Him in my dating life, but i have figured out that rather than me being guarded i was closing off my heart for selfish purposes. i spent years building walls around it to keep others too close for fear of opening myself up to rejection, humiliation, and failure. i could say oh i had something in my childhood that gives me an excuse to be so closed off but now that i have been dealing with that issue that made a little piece of the wall fell. now that the wall has a weak spot that puts everything in jeopardy. the image im seeing is like a dam with a little bitty crack that is dribbling water. the water is God because He wants and deserves to be everywhere completely permeating everything but the dam is stopping the natural flow. so as the crack widens more of Him is seeping into my life, eventually with the whole thing collapsing and He gets it all! so ive got to open up and let the only stronghold or fortress i need be the protection of my Father God and not my own selfish weak self created castle. 0nce i am at the place where ive let Him be my protector and center He will allow me to move forward into His great plan.

valentines

2008-02-15T00:53:00.002-06:00

i love valentines day-actually i love any reason to dress up cute, laugh a lot really loud and go hang out with fun folks... soo yayyy for valentines day cause i got to do all of the above. plus then as soon as the party ended i jumped in the car and took off for Denton, where at about 1 am i am currently chilling with Joel watching National Geographic Channel (LOL yeahhh!!) just in case you havent ever spent some time with my Shoely you def should make that a priority in your life. LOL he is flipping awesome.

and in just roughly two hours i will be loading up and headed to the big ole DFW to fly far away to Jax Fl to see my bestie and her amazing family. I am super excited. I love her and her family rocks too.

soo okay thats all i am saying cause i need to attempt to sleep for a lil bit before i head out.

Happy Valentines Day.

(Shout out to Kell-sorry im missing this most important birthday. i will come back asap and we can have a belated bday party! love you!!!)

not cool not cool at all

2008-02-11T21:52:00.000-06:00

i am sickish
and i am not happy about it.

im trying home remedies to get my sinuses happy again,
and it is not fun at all!!
it feels like someone punched me in the face - ouch...

ray of sunshine

2008-02-10T16:52:00.000-06:00

today is gorgeous. seriously gorgeous. i just spent almost 2 hours laying on the hammock in the back yard, just chilling-relaxing-texting (of course) it was quite nice. i seriously think that swinging on a hammock must be some sensory thing for me cause i think it rocks major.
i have a bit of a funky throat today so i keep coughing something awful lol its a nasty smokers cough-which i should not have-but o well-dang that sinus drainage and my awful sinuses!
its only a few days until i go on my valentines trip! :) wooo. Since i love presents, i gave myself a great present for Valentines Day-a new cell phone and a trip to Florida!!! WOOOOO I am super excited.

i have a new fave song (i still have to get the updated lyrics from dad)

Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart;

Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.

Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,

Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.
Be Thou my Wisdom, and Thou my true Word;

I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord;

Thou my great Father, I Thy true son;

Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.
Be Thou my battle Shield, Sword for the fight;

Be Thou my Dignity, Thou my Delight;

Thou my soul’s Shelter, Thou my high Tower:

Raise Thou me heavenward, O Power of my power.
Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise,

Thou mine Inheritance, now and always:

Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,

High King of Heaven, my Treasure Thou art.
High King of Heaven, my victory won,

May I reach Heaven’s joys, O bright Heaven’s Sun!

Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,

Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all.

saturdays, games, and such

2008-02-09T09:33:00.000-06:00

i love love love saturdays. and this saturday is no different. i get to sleep bum around and do whatever all day, then its game night at the HAWL house. Rock on!!!! only bad part of the day is i have major sinus drainage haaa i sound like ive smoked 10 packs a day for 20+ years its awful and a lil scary.

i saw juno last night-i really liked it, laughed a lot-and the soundtrack was killer awesome. then i headed to olive garden to dine with friends-lol-i love cheese!!!! :) the fonduit(??) is amazing-try it.
i have nothing amazing or brilliant to share since i just awoke and still am quite out of it, but have a lovely saturday!!!!!!!!
:) K
ps i am in love...... with my rocking new cell-palm treo-it is flipping sweet phone...

seriously im being serious

2008-02-07T20:34:00.000-06:00

first thought-not a serious thought-i wish i had a way cool accent like british or something fun. instead of my amusing texas twang... o well...
second thought-the serious thought-
(yes there are run on sentences-lol-i didnt mess with editing.)
I never realized until now that I wish I had had someone in my life when I was a teenager and young adult who had wanted to spend the time and pour into my life in such a way to help guide and influence me in a good way rather than letting friends guide me so much. I think that because of the experiences I had as a teenager and the feeling of no one to relate to me and thinking no one cared, whether thru youth pastors not engaging us on a heart level, rebellious spirits wanting to argue with parents, or no ready and available or willing mentors-But with those issues and remembering the place I was in and the guidance I wanted-even craved-from someone who I thought could and would relate to me and someone who I knew I could trust and would love me if I asked the tough questions or even I tripped up and made mistakes. Now that I have someone pouring into my life (actually multiple people) I know that I can turn somewhere and get Godly advice and have that connection where I know someone cares and someone wants me to go the right way and it gives you a better sense of how to trust God on a deeper level, because He has gave me a sounding board and you know that He cannot let you down-unconditional love has NO conditions.. No matter what things come to trip me up, I know that there is a purpose to me having the experiences I had, because I can turn around and use these things to be relatable to other girls going thru the same thing. He uses all things to make us run to Him.

I have a purpose and there is a purpose to His works; He presses us to change us, not just alter our behavior but change us at our very heart. Not in wrath but in mercy, He presses us to the deepest darkest place not in anger but in love. When everything is taken away and He is all we have, we realize He is all we need.

Check out Psalm 138 and 139

super tuesday

2008-02-05T19:23:00.000-06:00

i had grand plans this evening to make a quick trip to Denton to see Kell after her surgery, but mother nature had other plans. Mother Nature isn't very nice when she decided to throw baby hail at my pretty still new car!!! (or when she throws baseball hail at my dad/sister's transportation either) Yeah Im definitely not a fan of hers today. Soo instead I stayed home, and decided to catch up on my rest (much needed for sure) and now im watching the SUPER TUESDAY VOTING RESULTS.... (dorky as it is, i like election stuff. so this is really fun for me... yeppp)
i just have to say that i am really blessed to have the wonderful friends that i have, they are really so brilliant and supportive of me! i have had a super super busy last few weeks and its been crazy. But great news!!! Only one panic attack and it wasn't a very bad one!!!! (I think too much sugar can be a trigger for it, cause stress and lack of sleep hasn't set it off yet. Weird.) Yeah so I've hit 2 weeks with no dr pepper, and let me tell you this weekend was realllly hard. I wanted a dp so bad-but i survived!!! WOOO well im about to get ready for work tomorrow then crash out for a lovely night of sleep........

Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be. Your eye is a lamp that provides light for your body. When your eye is good, your whole body is filled with light. But when your eye is bad, your whole body is filled with darkness. And if the light you think you have is actually darkness, how deep that darkness is! Matthew 6:21-23

major sleep needed

2008-02-04T22:57:00.000-06:00

ok i ended up volunteering with overdrive at my church this weekend and it totally wore me out, i am still trying to recover and once i do i will get back into the swing of blogs and real life...
but overall the experience was AMAZING! i love the direction God is taking my life and even though i have no idea where its headed im having fun.
check out this link for pictures from the weekend.

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=28134&l=4d6fc&id=662806722

its only wednesday

2008-01-30T23:01:00.000-06:00

Plans...
I love making plans-well i dont know so much if its the plans or the control factor. But I need to know the plan and we have to stick to it or it frustrates me. I dont need lots of warning on it but i just need to be in the know! haaa Isnt it funny how no matter what we plan, God has his own plan already done up and soooo many times my plan is not quite what He had set up already. It is sooo hard to not try to be God's passenger seat "driver" (Which in real life I am reallllly bad about doing that to people lol gotta break that habit both ways.)
anyways thats all i have for today---long dayyyy---still not over....

Listen to advice and accept instruction, and in the end you will be wise. Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails. What a man desires is unfailing love better to be poor than a liar. The fear of the LORD leads to life: Then one rests content, untouched by trouble. Psalm 19:20-23

1 week=7 days=168 hours=10080 minutes!

2008-01-29T21:37:00.000-06:00

I thought since I hit a major milestone today I would suddenly feel inspired to share some brilliant insight about ...something... but ya nothing is coming. so mundane stuff it is----Today was good, quite fun-got to spend some time with dad and got some work done.
My major milestone of the day was hitting the 1 week mark of NO DR PEPPER!!!! yeah I am super excited about that. Its verrry nice. And of course on the day I am passing this milestone i would face temptation. LOL but luckily I faced it down and won.
I started a new book-The Dangerous Act of Worship by Mark Labberton, and I am super excited about it. I will let ya know what I think as I get farther into it.

I also got it confirmed that I am going to see my bestie Amber in a few weeks. SUPER AMAZING! I miss them sooo much! I cannot wait because its been over 3 months since I have seen her and her family (plus my fave expat couple are back from China and I get to have a live in person chat with them!!!) My lil nephew Gavin is growing so fast and i am going to totally kill my camera taking a zillion pics of him while I am there. I am super excited but wish I could longer than just one weekend.

**My Gavin and Me**

I am going to be crazy busy the next few days so I am hoping I can find a few minutes every day to keep up my daily postings. Tomorrow is my "mentoring" day and I'll be in Lindale until late, but I love Wednesdays and all the fun that comes with them...

"Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord. Trust in Him and He will do this. He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn,

the justice of your cause like the noonday sun. Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him. Do not fret when men succeed in their ways when they carry out their wicked schemes."

Psalms 37:3-9

i thank the Lord that falling is full of grace

2008-01-28T22:25:00.000-06:00

It entertains me, well no entertain isn't the word, more like it semi-irks me when people, mostly random acquaintances a lot of time, decide to "give me advice". Advice I didn't ask for, of course--Cause I like advice that is asked for.well usually-sometimes..... It ranges from little mundane things-comments about my hair etc-to the way over the top-why am i not married yet???

Do people really think they know better than God? Well truthfully I don't think that they really believe that they know better than God, but I guess they don't think first. HAAA (Hello i know I do not always think thru the advice I pop off to people.)
Okay honestly I totally had a blog all typed up and ready to go then I re-read it and decided it wasn't something I should post. Sometimes brutal honesty, while honest and very true, isn't something you should share with the whole bloggin' world. My pet peeves/irks, if shared, would prolly cause more problems than solutions. So instead I erased my lil soap box piece and decided to just say one thing.

I am a pretty self aware person, much more so than most people probably realize. I know I have quirks, issues, and faults just like everyone else, and yes most of my quirks are strange funny bizarre quirks, but that is what makes me Keri. I work on a daily basis to try to stay in a place where I am willing and able to listen to what God is sharing with me about who I am in Him. We are all works in progress. So who am I to tell Him what to do with His plans, they are perfect because their Author is the definition of perfection so how can my sinful selfish person tell the most high God anything. And many times I know He sends people into my life to help guide, steer, and advise me, but I also know that whatever is told to me in that manner will be from Him and not a soap box. Next time I am asked for advice, I need to remember to stop and be sure I can give it from a place where God is in the center, not my own biased opinion.

So besides that, i figured out today that I will be driving to Lindale 5 of the next 7 days this coming week. So funny that I spent so much time in Tyler that I move here and then suddenly start needing to be in Lindale all the time. HAA love the irony. I see a suitcase and the couch at the HAWL house in my not too distant future.

Also I am at roughly 144 hours Dr Pepper less... LOL at this point the headaches have stopped, woo, but I am scared to even be near one for fear of a random fit of uncontrollable craving hit me and i take out an innocent bystander for a sip of the carbonated syrup. but Good news-who knew water could be sooo filling and wonderful (that was total sarcasm).. Gag me. oh well it's for the best.. (DP-less leads to LA)

Okay its been a long Monday and I am ready for my sleep now.

So much love and thanks for stopping by my little corner of the world-comment away...

"From heaven the LORD looks down and sees all mankind; from his dwelling place he watches all who live on earth- he who forms the hearts of all, who considers everything they do. We wait in hope for the LORD; he is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. May your unfailing love rest upon us, O LORD, even as we put our hope in you." Psalms 33:13-15,20-22

an overactive mind leads to overlycomplicated situation

2008-01-27T21:37:00.000-06:00

I seriously love sundays. :) even though my wonderful break from work is ending. Monday is almost here.......
Today was especially fun for me. My friend Hollie came to church with me, i now know I really like not going to church alone, the forever-neverending drive to lindale doesn't seem sooo bad if i have someone to talk too.
Memo to self-find a way to not have to commute alone so much.
Soooo of course worship and the service were amazing, then we had a quick lunch and off to the Volunteer Summit, which was quite fun since I got to hang out with "the most awesome Robyn", Shawn, & Hollie for a while-then since I dont technically belong anywhere with the volunteer thing i just decided to be a support fake volunteer and crash the worship teams break out session (hello-im the worship leaders daughter so i can roll like that.) It was very informative and if I ever wake up with an amazing singing voice-or even just find a way to carry a tune, I will definitely want to be on the worship team. LOL but since that wont happen i will just stick to my backstage bossiness that I do so well. ;) (speaking of that----Be ready for The Passion Play-coming soon!!!)

One thing that I keep getting from all of the talks was from Micah 6:8

"He has showed you, O man, what is good.

And what does the Lord require of you?

To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God."

HELLOOO I mean how much more simple can you get???

(Another translation of the Bible (The Message) says:
"But he's already made it plain how to live, what to do, what God is looking for in men and women. It's quite simple: Do what is fair and just to your neighbor, be compassionate and loyal in your love, And don't take yourself too seriously— take God seriously.")

Anyways my thoughts on this: Why stress about all the stuff in life that isn't in your control-and what really is actually in our control?
He gives us the answers-Be fair, just, loyal, compassionate, take Him seriously. Live in a way to bring glory to Him. Find your joy in Him. Give Him your love, worship, time. He will take care of you.

Last note: I have finally admitted to myself that I really can't read people quite as well as I always thought I could. Major bummer...

okkkaayyy much love to everyone reading this-its great to know people are out there-comment away....

peace out.

i <3 saturdays

2008-01-26T10:38:00.000-06:00

Today is Devoted to Lindale Day. :) haaaa
I am going to spend my day in Lindale, which means I will have a bajillion pictures later. Super fun. Seriously i love my life! Okay short post today to keep it from interfering with my funnnnn...
have a super fun saturday cuz i know i will!

Wonderful Savior My heart belongs to Thee

I will remember always the blood You shed for me

Wonderful Savior My heart will know Your worth

So I will embrace You always as I walk this earth

Be blessed, be loved, be lifted high

Be treasured here Be glorified

I owe my life to You my Lord Here I am

Beautiful Jesus How may I bless Your heart?

Knees to the earth I bow down to everything

You are Beautiful Jesus

You are my only worth

So let me embrace You always as I walk this earth

-Watermark

beware of falling objects

2008-01-25T21:05:00.000-06:00

Seriously I am a klutz! I was doing all great-straightening up the new bookcase in my room and setting stuff up, then all the sudden all this stuff came raining down on me... picture frames, boxes, eiffel tower sculptures. haaa Talk about pain. (and i scared Jaxon too haa). Yucky i am going to have a knot on my head and a lil nicks on my arms/hands. GAGGG.

Plus at this moment I am 82 hours without Dr Pepper-yep I am counting hours, that's just how I roll. haa Luckily I have a dear friend who reminded me not to order one out of habit at dinner!!! HAA (Thanks Linds)

So big news... Today is a verry verry important day---My dear lovely sweet brilliant gorgeous amazing nephew Garrett Keith is 6 months old today! I cannot believe I really have a nephew and that he is really this awesome. I adore being an aunt-I never knew I would love it all this much (well

besides the projectile throw up-that he saves just for me, booo!, and the diaper duty-which i have completely avoided sooo far, yaaay!!!)

See!!! he is soo amazingly cute huh?!

Okay well Im off to finish straightening up my bookcase, take a tylenol, then sleep time! Super fun weekend about to begin wooo I love weekends. I had some amazing quiet times this week but I haven't had time to get it all written up---Keep a watch for it soon.
:) Happy 6 month Gare Bear.

The end of a matter is better than its beginning, and patience is better than pride. Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools. Do not say, "why were the old days better than these?" For it is not wise to ask such questions.

Ecclesiastes 7:8-10

48+ hours and counting...

2008-01-24T19:03:00.000-06:00

Wow who knew caffeine withdrawl headaches could hurt that bad. Last night i thought i was going crosseyed from the pain, but ohhh welll i made it another day... YAYYYYYY!!!

I miss Friends being on every Thursday night (even having the 3 CSIs and The Office doesnt make up for no Friends.)
...anyways...

the weekend is almost here and Im quite happy about the prospect of no work for a couple of days....

okay thats all i have for today-

Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. Proverbs 4:23

best of intentions

2008-01-23T12:20:00.000-06:00

i decided to see if i could stop drinking caffeine.
it sounds so lovely and wonderful, to be able to just be a lil bit healthier and cut out coffee (not hard for me) and dr pepper (major hard for me). But now I am at the 24 hour mark and i could seriously hurt someone for a dp if they put it in front of me right now, even if they just joked about giving me a dp.
my head hurts-i am in the middle of caffeine killer withdrawls
but besides that i am in a great mood, (haaa) i LOVE LOVE LOVE winter cold and i LOVE wednesdays plus I got to spend the morning listening to Matt Chandler & Tommy Nelson podcasts while I worked-YAYY for ipods.

Is it strange to be cheerfully sullen??? oh well i am weird so i guess i can be both at the same time. Day 1 Caffeine Free still.

"Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God. God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few.When you make a vow to God, do not delay in fulfilling it. He has no pleasure in fools; fulfill your vow. It is better not to vow than to make a vow and not fulfill it. Do not let your mouth lead you into sin. And do not protest to the temple messenger, "My vow was a mistake." Why should God be angry at what you say and destroy the work of your hands? Much dreaming and many words are meaningless. Therefore stand in awe of God" Eccl. 5:2,5-7

i believe in the sun even when its not shining

2008-01-22T19:21:00.000-06:00

Lately I have felt like I am in a pressure cooker, life stresses were just overwhelming me. I have talked before about my panic attacks and anxiety issues, and finally I feel like I have found a way to live my life without them interfering constantly. However that hasn't stopped the stress from piling on from different places. A few weeks back I asked some close friends to just pray over me during all this drama and I received some amazing responses from them. I thought I would share one in particular because it totally encompasses what I needed to remember.

“Nothing is going to thwart His plans one single bit! He is orchestrating things from Heaven so that you know Him better, trust Him more, and depend on Him more. These little snags in that journey are designed just for you - so that you can grow in your faith as you see that you can totally trust in God! DO NOT FEAR! Choose at this stage - when things seem to be getting crazy - to TRUST at a new level - cast all your fears, concerns, plans, etc., on God and just watch to see how He is going to work it all out!”

I have figured out I have too many things in my life I use as distractions from keeping my true focus on Him and living His purpose. He has begun showing me new paths where I can be useful and I am really excited to see what is in store for the future. Right now I am doing a bit of "spring cleaning" and throwing out some old baggage, stuff, and wasted time to get my mindset back in the right place so that I can reflect His Glory. Please keep me in your prayers as I seek His guidance and purpose for my life!

Psalms 38:4,9-10,21-22
My guilt has overwhelmed me like a burden too heavy to bear... All my longings lie open before you, O Lord, my sighing is not hidden from you. My heart pounds, my strength fails me, even the light has gone from my eyes....O Lord do not forsake me, be not far from me, O my God. Come quickly to help me, O Lord my Savior.

Psalms 28:6-9
Praise be to the Lord for He has heard my cry for mercy. The Lord is my strength and my shield, my heart trusts in Him and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to Him in song. The Lord is the strength of His people, a fortress of salvation for His anointed one. Save your people and bless your inheritance, be their shepherd and carry them forever.

status: major case of the mondays

2008-01-21T11:44:00.000-06:00

im feeling super grumpy today. (and my reasons for being bratty arent even good reasons.) LOL
i know i should just suck it up and be happy cause at least i woke up this morning, But telling youself that and actually being able to do it are a whole different story. so I came home for lunch to see if curling up and watching a lil CSI Miami would make it better but now with it rainy cold outside and my bed nice and comfy warm i seriously dont want to get up at all much less to go sit at a desk.
ahhhhh i need a major attitude adjustment today... and thought everyone should know about it. God has a plan and I need to stop trying to be a backseat driver about it.....

Ecclesiates 7:14
When times are good, be happy: but when times are bad, consider. God has made the one as well as the other. Therefore a man cannot discover anything about this future.

::::EVENING UPDATE::::
i heard this song on the radio on my way back to work, feels appropriate for this time and place that i am in...
check it out. its awesome--trust me cause i know awesome :)

Simply Love You
By Ginny Owens

I used to see the world in black and white
Now I find myself lost in a fog of grey
I thought the good guys always won the fight
But I've learned life simply doesn't work that way
I once believed if I loved others they would love me, too
But I've seen this isn't always so
I thought that inner peace would come from trusting who I am,
But it's really about trusting who I know

So when the winds of change try to blow me over,
And the shadows of confusion hide the truth
I will hope in the One who is forever,
I will run to you
I will run to you

Ever since the moment life began
Humankind has tried to solve it's mysteries
So many things we cannot comprehend
So we draw conclusions that we can believe
Well, I know that your hands have placed the Earth upon the seas
And pitched a tent in the Heavens for the sun
The Author of the universe is the Father who loves me
So only one conlusion can be drawn

When I face the questions that seem to have no answers
And I know my friends are but a precious few
I will hope in the Love that is forever
I will run to you

Though the perils of life seem so great
And hope seems so frail
You never fail, no
Shadows may not disappear
But You've always made it clear
Truth will prevail
You will prevail

random thought for the day.

2008-01-20T09:52:00.000-06:00

yep so this is morbid, but funny. (cant say i didn't warn you)

okay i was thinking this morning as i curled my hair....
i really haven't ever really thought of how i want to die, i mean besides joking that if the plane is going to go down with me on it I guess thats my destiny, nothing i can do to change that or that i would rather just die in my sleep-painless etc.... but then today........................ i realized i do sort of care about how i die, because i definitely DO NOT want to be eaten alive by a giant angry mutated grasshopper-lizard thing or one of his deflicted lil mutant babies....
dont you agree that would really just suck.

quick note

2008-01-17T21:59:00.001-06:00

The testimony I wrote awhile back on the blog under Amazed By His Grace is going to be in the Revive magazine at Grace in February under the title. "Crushed"
Soo keep me in your prayers because having this shared with so many people, especially so many strangers, is a big step for me, but really exciting too!!!

Here

2008-01-17T21:36:00.000-06:00

Why is it so hard to remember that God is here ALWAYS. I mean we walk around in our good times and say Oh God is with me, He is amazing and never leaves, but then the moment something bad happens you panic. My first reaction is Why did you let this happen to me!!! as if He just took a coffee break, has no clue about my ordeal, and left me on my own in the big real world.
Recently I was at church and one of the things that was said during the sermon really stuck with me so I wrote it in my Bible.
"Hinge on what He has done"
So okay if you know me you know besides being a bit of a spaz I also have a bit of a panic attack problem, okay well more than a bit, but anyways. When stuff gets stressful and I feel like I am in an uncontrollable situation, my brain automatically goes into freak out mode and I start panicking. So all that to say there has been stuff in my life that has been pretty stressful the last few weeks so my panic attacks have been the worst I have ever had, so today when I felt the beginnings of a panic attack coming, right away I went into full on freak out mode. Let me just say it's awful having one of those things, especially when I am not at home where I feel less awkward about it. So I immediately started asking God why He would let me have this right now, How could He does this to me, Why does He leave me to do this on my own?
Since I have been trying to find a way to focus on something other than the panic, so I have started carrying my Bible with me everywhere. Now when I feel panicky I can pull out my Bible and just use the word as my focus point. I had left a bookmark on that page where I had written that phrase so first thing I saw was "Hinge on what He has done." So I just started thinking back to every time I have had a panic attack before. Yes they were awful, miserable, and in no way fun stuff, but I survive them EVERYTIME. I have yet to die from one (and will never die from one), most people don't makes fun of me for it, and I always make it through them.
So rather than freaking out more, I just started telling myself, "God is always here, He always is with me through this. I will be fine" I know in the future I will have panic attacks-its just part of my life. But as I am walking through the rough stuff in life I have to remember He taking care of me, even when I doubt Him, He is right HERE.

Busy Busy Busy

2008-01-01T10:29:00.000-06:00

I have been a major slacker this last week of the holidays. I have written all kinds of new stuff but haven't had time to edit or post it.
Sooo check back soon :)

More Christmas

2007-12-25T00:47:00.000-06:00

Rather than working forever to get the pictures to upload,here are some links to the pictures from our family christmas. Check back soon for pictures from the Woodville Christmas!
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=24239&l=6caaf&id=662806722
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=24361&l=de4d0&id=662806722

beginning of christmas weekend

2007-12-22T17:41:00.001-06:00

These are just a few pictures from Day 1 of our Christmas weekend. I am superrrr excited that the whole family is going to be here this weekend for our family Christmas! It's going to be a blast. Check back for more pictures soon! :)

Our Little Gift-Garrett Keith
Mama aka Mimi and Garrett
Dad aka Pops & Mama aka Mimi
My Brother Josh and Garrett playing piano
Jeremy's girlfriend, Kelley & Me at lunch!

Christmas!!!

2007-12-22T09:18:00.000-06:00

I just wanted to say Merry Christmas to everyone!

Have a lovely holiday! :)

plans and pains

2007-12-20T18:45:00.000-06:00

Every year as it gets closer to my birthday I start thinking back on all the stuff that has happened to me in the past and the ways I've grown and changed. And this year is nooo different-especially with Gavin being born a few months ago and now Garrett coming just last week. It's been so amazing to see these two lil boys and realize that all the dumb stuff you feel like sooo important when you are younger, stupider, etc-really isn't all the important anymore when you see the amazing child God creates. You realize God gives us so much grace, love, and hope for the future. I pray that I can always look at whatever circumstances are going on and remember that with God I can see these times are joyous because of the strength He is building in me, and that I will always have my faith in Him to get me through the times. And that I also need to trust Him and His unfailing predestined plan for my life and those of my family and friends... And while I can't take the burden of pain, disappointment, and broken trust from the ones I love who are going through a rough valley in life that I can stand by them in whatever they are facing and be steadfast in my prayers!Its soo amazing what birthdays and babies can do to your life...
(this was from the summertime)

flying in the sky

2007-12-20T18:41:00.000-06:00

When I was flying home on Sunday, looking out the plane window, watching the clouds (lucky me-i had a window seat!), I realized how often I tend to forget how truly amazing our God is in every way, big and small & the scope of what He has created for us. The fact that He created such a lush beautiful place for His children to live, and the fact that its not just
beautiful upclose-but also from 30,000 feet up. A beautiful sunset-my favorite thing ever, the fluffy white clouds-that are just amazing up close and personal from the airplane window, the green lush landscape-that we so often overlook when we travel, and best of all-when the plane begins the descent and the sun is glowing, and after you break through the clouds, it has became night time and the city is all lit up to welcome you home. It feels likes you are seeing the true heart of God and His unabounding love, grace, and mercy. What a God we serve-don't you agree??????

(this obviously isnt a recent one, its from a trip awhile back)

i feel like they were written just for me

2007-12-20T00:30:00.000-06:00

I had never sat down and really thought about this until a few months ago when I was looking for inspiration. I tend to do that when I'm bored or feeling at loose ends. I decided I need inspiration and go about a hunt for something to think about or to figure out and then I write it down somewhere so I will be able to look back at it later. So I really thought about what comes to mind when I am stressing or upset or need God's guidance in a situation, what verses have I memorized and stored away to help me?

1- James 1:2-4. Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
((I actually have the first part of this verse written in its original text and I carry it with me everywhere to keep in fresh in my mind.))

2-Phillipians 4:12-13. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.
((Whenever I am really super nervous about something, having a panic attacks, or just having a rough day. I say this over and over in my head as a calming mechanism. Its amazing how calming it is!!))

amazed by His grace

2007-12-20T00:17:00.000-06:00

First off I should say I am a very private quiet person, it's very hard for me to start up a conversation or share anything personal (dreams, embarrassments, fears, crushes, failures, etc) with people, even friends. So if you know me or have met me, you have probably noticed I tend to be quiet, shy and totally introverted. I'm trying to very hard to change that and be more outgoing/talkative, but this will sorta explain a little bit why I am that way still. Mainly I tend to over-analyze every step, thought, and word before it comes out, so I usually bottle everything up in myself so that I don't have to risk the ridicule or rejection of those around me. For years I always told myself that I was like that so that I would be stronger against peer pressure, that my opinion didn't matter, Or whatever other lie sounded good enough to convince myself that I wasn't weird for stockpiling memories and problems.If you know me or my family (the Irwin clan), you know there are a lot of us, and by a lot I mean there are 8 kids and a grandchild in my family as of right now. We are like a super sized Brady Bunch. I have always said and really do mean God has blessed me with the family He has given me. I love and adore each of my amazing siblings and my truly amazing parents who are such an example to each of us of how we want a God centered-God led marriage to work. Even with all the love and acceptance we have in our family, I let the devil find a little crack in my armor from a childhood insecurity and then dig in deep. He slowly wheedled his way in, telling me I wasn't as pretty as one sister, wasn't as popular and outgoing as another. Or that I was not talented like my brothers, or that I wasn't a good enough God-fearing daughter to my parents. And slowly over time (looking back now I can see each step that I faltered clear as day) he won me over with these lies. I slowly began to pull back from my family, thinking that really deep down I was not important enough, pretty enough or outgoing enough to be in the family. And no one would notice if I just backslid to be a shadow member. I began to hang out with a crowd that professed to be wonderful God fearing young adults, but in actuality we were all just running as fast as we could from God's plan and purpose. For most of my high school years, I lived the wishy washy life that my friends were all leading, going to church functions, acting out the part we were expected to be. But then we were all slowly stepping over the boundary into a lifestyle we all knew was wrong. While I never truly felt loved by these friends, they provided me with a place where I finally felt I belonged. A safe haven where someone thought I was pretty, intelligent, and funny all the while being able to “live” the life my parents expected of me-church, school, social life.A little more time passed, I graduated moving out on my own and I had pretty much withdrawn from my family circle, showing up for the occasion Hello's, token I love you, holidays, etc. I was living my own life with my own self created “family of other confused young adults.” Until one night a horrid tragedy struck my family, my little sister, Bekah, who I love and adore, was in a horrific car accident that left her in a coma for days. Immediately I went to the hospital to be with my family, but when I got there, in the stress of everything happening, suddenly it brought up all these awful insecurities that I had been running from all along. I felt completely alone and completely unneeded by anyone in my family. I stood in the ICU wondering where to go, what to do, who to help, but more that I was completely in the way of everyone.
With all those issues flashing through my head, it brought back the memories of when my dad died, leaving me, his little girl without her brave daddy at a very young age. Which was the beginning of my little heart's bruising from a family member who should have been pouring out love and care for me during this critical time in my life. My grandmother helped take care of me and my two younger sisters while my mom and dad were at the hospital going through chemotherapy and treatments. For some reason during this time, she turned her sadness and guilt over her son dying of cancer onto me, and only me. She cast all her fears, sadness, guilt, hatred, and shame onto me just a young child. She treated me like an outcast, saying horrid things to me, and overall just being miserably bitter to a young child who was losing a parent. I was too young to have the ability to cope with the loss of beloved parent, much less to be a whipping pole for a bitter woman's misgivings and sadness.
All those insecurities from my childhood suddenly tore into me at the hospital, making me turn tail and run. I had never realized the memories from my childhood were so vividly ingrained into me that when I was faced with a major obstacle all those little cracks from Satan, became huge gashes of insecurities and low self worth. Immediately I withdrew from my family, when they needed me most, and just turned my back on them. I moved in with a friend, who was and is still headed down a path of self destruction. I just let that friend take over telling me how I should think. Whatever they did, I did. Wherever they went, I was there too. And however they felt about life, religion, family, I just blindly agreed. Because in my panic and crashing self worth I had decided that my family really did not love me, just like my grandmother had told me all along. That they did not want me around, they had the pretty one, the popular one, and all the talented others so in the end, I wouldn't be missed. I believed I should just go about my life doing as I pleased with my friends who really would love me. Those few months were the darkest, saddest , and most depressing times of my life. I acted in ways I swore I would never act, I said things I would never dream of saying, and just played a huge fool. I planned to live my life exactly like that for the rest of my time, however long that might be. Which at the time, I didn't even care about dying because it would get me out of this world where I felt so completely alone. One day I was driving back to the house where I was staying, completely broke with a barely running car, not having spoken to my parents in weeks. When all the sudden I thought I was dying. I pulled the car over, trying to suck air into my shrinking lungs, and trying find a way to breathe again. I just broke down in sobs over my steering wheel, wondering if i was really going to die right there on the side of the highway. I sat there for a good 20 minutes before I was able to make coherent speech enough to call anyone, so I dialed the one place I knew I could find help. My parent's house. When my mom answered, I broke down trying to tell her everything at once. I was talking so fast and sobbing so hard that finally all i could tell her was that something was wrong with me and I needed help. She calmed me down and then a few days later, we went to a doctor where I was put on anti anxiety pills. They actually helped for a little while, until I began to have mood swings to the point I couldn't get out of bed without laying on the floor and sobbing, or I would be so hyper I couldn't sit still. It took a few weeks and the medications seemed to be helping for awhile. I started feeling better about myself and my life, but I was still trying to hide from God. Until one day my mom called and asked me to come back and live with them. I immediately freaked out. Why would I want to live there? They don't know the real me. They don't love me They just want to control my actions so I don't embarrass them. All of which was satan trying to keep me in my self destructive cycle so he could win.I know my parents and my family must have been having a prayer war for me because one day I finally I just gave up the fight. I was so unhappy living where I was and where I was going with my life that I just gave up. I packed my few things from my little room, loaded up my broken down car, and drove back the few miles across town to my parents home. I wish I could say everything was wonderfully perfect after that, and everything was fixed immediately. But of course it was not because this is Hollywood. I faltered a few times and finally found a footing that began to turn my life around a little bit at a time. I went into counseling with Women of Grace and I was able to see that the little cracks that were drilled into me as a child by a bitter grandmother did not have to define me or rule my life. I am a beautiful creature of God's creation. He made me with the brains I have, the love I have, and the family I have for a reason. I may not know what exactly His Grand and Amazing Plan is yet, but I am following it the best I can with my family's blessing and support. But I still wake up where I feel that sting in my heart that I am not pretty enough, popular enough and that I will never find someone to love me for all my gifts, flaws, quirks; weirdness and all. I know thats satan will try over and over to try to dig in on my insecurities. Everyday I have to wake up and say to God, “I am the woman you made me. I am beautiful, whole, and useful to You. Please protect my heart so that I may be your servant in every thing you call for me to do. Father, I am Yours. You lead and I will follow. I once was lost but now am found. I am yours.”

to begin at the beginning.

2007-12-20T00:08:00.000-06:00

For years I have written a sort of personal blog that I never shared with anybody, it was more of a personal journal for me to go back and read through on occasion. Recently God laid it on my heart to start sharing some of the pieces I had written, so I did. It was amazing the response I received from friends and family about it. In fact, the testimony I shared is going to be put in our church's magazine. (Yayy!) Armed with much more confidence in the pieces I have written, I finally decided to do a more public blog. So I am going to try to be very committed to updating this as often as possible with different things! But first I am going to add a few things that I have had saved on my computer, so the dates won't match when they were actually written. Bear with me as I get this all caught up. And feel free to check out my nephew's blog too.
Thanks for stopping in my little corner of the world, please leave comments about whatever you read.
:) K